10.09.2003
Insomnia is eye-fire.
Pure random observations following earlier 19th century American writers' embrace of the stream of consciousness (that sentence sucks) and cus bullet lists rock:
-I can't be bought, because what I want isn't money.
-Beer mixed with Iced tea tastes good and heals the sick.
-A retarded blind lady bumped into me. After apologizing she asked me if I had any cigarettes. Then she asked me what bus was in front of us (this was when I realized she was blind). I asked her which bus she was looking for, and then led her by the arm down the block to board it. Whenever I do things that are considered "good", I wonder if I am just looking for some kind of cosmic gain in the form of a job, acknowlegement of my existence, etc...one of the greatest differences between Judaism and Islam is the difference between the moral value of an act's intent, and it's outcome. Is my intent clouded by hoping god is over my shoulder so I can catch a fucking break in life? Or is the action a good one, no matter what type of divine copensation I might subconsciously seek, or that I hope I will feel like I am "good"? Confusing and scary stuff.
-I drove for the first time in a couple months today (again, unliscensed). By Christmas I will have at least a 240sx. Not a bad car, but definately not the badass I covet at night. Insurance companies don't like young males like me to have cars that do their penis justice. That means No 8 cylinder Detroit hemis. The Bugatti Veyron is going to be the best car on earth. Maybe. If not, the Enzo.
-Spider roll (softshell crab) is the best type of sushi.
-Chess is fucking madenning. I play like a bipolar brilliant retard. I lose the first game to an unfamiliar opening like a complete amateur, then get the same guy into a beautifully crafted mating net that reminds me of a Capablanca game I once went over. I'm reading up again, trying to become a stronger player to make up for all the stupid things I've done. If only when I was in highschool I wasn't full of pills and self-pity, I would have saw through the bullshit and been something more than ultimately mediocre. Put me in Arkham with the Riddler and throw away the key, this stupid game is giving me dreams again.
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
-I can't be bought, because what I want isn't money.
-Beer mixed with Iced tea tastes good and heals the sick.
-A retarded blind lady bumped into me. After apologizing she asked me if I had any cigarettes. Then she asked me what bus was in front of us (this was when I realized she was blind). I asked her which bus she was looking for, and then led her by the arm down the block to board it. Whenever I do things that are considered "good", I wonder if I am just looking for some kind of cosmic gain in the form of a job, acknowlegement of my existence, etc...one of the greatest differences between Judaism and Islam is the difference between the moral value of an act's intent, and it's outcome. Is my intent clouded by hoping god is over my shoulder so I can catch a fucking break in life? Or is the action a good one, no matter what type of divine copensation I might subconsciously seek, or that I hope I will feel like I am "good"? Confusing and scary stuff.
-I drove for the first time in a couple months today (again, unliscensed). By Christmas I will have at least a 240sx. Not a bad car, but definately not the badass I covet at night. Insurance companies don't like young males like me to have cars that do their penis justice. That means No 8 cylinder Detroit hemis. The Bugatti Veyron is going to be the best car on earth. Maybe. If not, the Enzo.
-Spider roll (softshell crab) is the best type of sushi.
-Chess is fucking madenning. I play like a bipolar brilliant retard. I lose the first game to an unfamiliar opening like a complete amateur, then get the same guy into a beautifully crafted mating net that reminds me of a Capablanca game I once went over. I'm reading up again, trying to become a stronger player to make up for all the stupid things I've done. If only when I was in highschool I wasn't full of pills and self-pity, I would have saw through the bullshit and been something more than ultimately mediocre. Put me in Arkham with the Riddler and throw away the key, this stupid game is giving me dreams again.
"It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)
